Saturday, January 14, 2012

The Etiquettes Of Marriage And Wedding


By: Sheikh Muhammad Naasirudden al-Albaani

 

All praise is due to Allah, the One who said in the clear verses of His Book:

"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among
yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put
love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are Signs for those
who reflect".[al-Room 30:21]

May the prayers and peace of Allah be upon His Prophet Muhammad, the one who said in an authenticated hadith : "Marry the loving and fertile, for I will compete with the other Prophets with the number of my followers on the Day of Qiyama". [Ahmad and at-Tabaarani with hasan isnaad, declared saheeh from Anas by Ibn Hibbaan and it has witnesses which will be mentioned in Question 19]
After this opening: There are in Islam, certain etiquettes upon anyone who marries and wishes to consummate his marriage with his wife. Most Muslims today, even those who exert themselves in Islamic worship, have either neglected or become totally ignorant of these Islamic etiquettes. Therefore, I decided to write this beneficial treatise clearly explaining these issues on the occasion of marriage of someone dear to me. I hope that it will be an aid to him and to other believing brothers in carrying out what the Chief of the Messengers has ordained on the authority of the Lord of the Worlds. I have followed that by pointing out certain issues important to every one who marries, and with which many wives in particular have been tested.
I ask Allah Most High to bring about some benefit from this treatise, and to accept this work solely for His glorious countenance. Surely, He is the Righteous, the Merciful.
It should be known that there is much etiquette in the area of marriage. All that I am concerned with here in this quickly compiled work is that which is authenticated of the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad, that which is irreproachable from the standpoint of its chain of narration and upon which no doubt can be cast in terms of its constructions and meanings. In this way, whoever reads and follows this information will be on a clearly established basis in religion, and will have full confidence in the source and validity of his actions. I hope for him that Allaah will put the final seal of felicity on his life, in reward for beginning his married life with the following of the sunnah, and to make for him among His slaves whose statement He has described in the Qur'an saying:
And those who pray, "Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring
who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace)
to lead the righteous."
[al-Furqaan 25:74]

The final disposition of things is for those of pious practice, as the Lord of the Worlds said:
As to the Righteous, they shall be amidst (cool) shades
and springs (of water). And (they shall have) fruits, - all
they desire. "Eat ye and drink ye to your heart's content:
for that ye worked (righteousness)." Thus do We
certainly reward the Doers of Good.
[al-Mursalaat 77:41-44]


The following then, are those etiquettes:

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Marriage in Islam

With His wisdom and out of His mercy, Allah has made the Children of Adam male and female, and has institutionalised marriage to make the females mates for the males and vice-versa. The Quran says:


وَمِنْ ءايَـتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَجاً لِّتَسْكُنُواْ إِلَيْهَا


وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِى ذَلِكَ لأَيَـتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ


Ar Rum 30: 21. And among His signs is this; that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.


And,


وَاللَّهُ جَعَلَ لَكُمْ مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا وَجَعَلَ لَكُمْ مِّنْ أَزْوَجِكُم بَنِينَ وَحَفَدَةً


وَرَزَقَكُم مِّنَ الطَّيِّبَاتِ أَفَبِالْبَـطِلِ يُؤْمِنُونَ وَبِنِعْمَتِ اللَّهِ هُمْ يَكْفُرُونَ


An Nahl 16: 72. And Allah has made for you mates of your own kind, and has made for you, from your mates, children and grandchildren, and has granted you good provisions. Do they then believe in false deities and deny favour of Allah.

These verses of the Noble Quran draw at least two purposes of marriage; companionship and procreation. Marriage allows a man and a woman live together in peace and tranquillity enjoying each other’s company. Marriage is a lawful means to fulfil the basic biological instinct to have sexual relation. Sexual relation outside marriage tie is a major sin but when it is done within the institution of marriage, the reward is like giving charity. Through the fulfilment of this biological instinct Allah grants them children that will continue the mission of human’s creation as ‘khalifah’, representing God on the surface of the Earth to look after this planet. Islamic law has prescribed detailed rules not only the rights and the responsibilities of husband and wife, but also of their offspring.

However, these verses also indicate another dimension of marriage, namely ‘ibadah. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) declared,


"Marriage is my sunnah. Whosoever keeps away from it, is not from me."


Marriage is an 'Ibadah in a sense that when one commits to a marriage, he or she is doing an act which is pleasing to Allah. This marriage must be performed in accordance with Allah's commandments and guidance of His prophet PBUH. This is beautifully explained in a tradition of the Prophet. It is narrated by Anas RA (May Allah please with him) that the Messenger of Allah PBUH said,


"When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion, so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half."


In another narration, prophet Muhammad PBUH said,


"O you, young men! Whoever is able to marry should marry, for that will help him to lower his gaze and guard his modesty."


Marriage is an ‘ibadah because it purifies husband and wife, their offsprings and the community. It protects Muslim men and women from committing things which will displease Allah. The Prophet considered marriage for a Muslim as half of his religion because it shields him from promiscuity, adultery, fornication, homosexuality etc., which ultimately lead to many other evils like slander, quarrelling, homicide, loss of property and disintegration of the family. According to the Prophet PBUH, the remaining half of the faith can be saved by Taqwa.


The Ahkam (Rules) of Marriage


Studies of Quranic verses and the traditions of the Prophet PBUH clearly show that marriage is compulsory (wajib) for a man who has the means to easily pay the Mahr (dowry) and to support a wife and children, and is healthy, and fears that if does not marry, he may be tempted to commit fornication (Zina). It is also compulsory for a woman who has no other means of maintaining herself and who fears that her sexual urge may push her into fornication. But even for a person who has a strong will to control his sexual desire, who has no wish to have children, and who feels that marriage will keep him away from his devotion to Allah, it is commendable (Mandub).

There are slight differences amongst the school of thoughts. According to the Maliki madzhab, for example, under certain conditions it is obligatory (fard) for a Muslim to marry even if he is not in a position to earn his living. These certain conditions are; (1) if he fears that by not marrying he will commit fornication (Zina), (2) if he is unable to fast to control his passions or his fasting does not help him to refrain from Zina, and (3) even if he is unable to find a slave girl or a destitute girl to marry.

However some jurists suggest that if a man cannot procure a lawful livelihood, he must not marry because if he marries without any hope of getting lawful bread, he may commit theft, and in order to avoid one evil (his passions) he may become the victim of another (theft).

The Hanafi madzhab considers marriage as obligatory (fard) for a man if; (1) he is sure that he will commit Zina if he does not marry, (2) he cannot fast to control his passions or even if he can fast, his fast does not help him to control his passion, (3) he cannot get a slave-girl to marry, and (4) he is able to pay the dowry (Mahr) and to earn a lawful livelihood.

Marriage is forbidden (Haram) to a man, according to the Hanafi school, if he does not possess the means to maintain his wife and children or if he suffers from an illness, serious enough to affect his wife and progeny. It is not desirable (makruh) for a man who possesses no sexual desire at all or who has no love for children or who is sure that marriage will cause adverse effect to his religion.

Wallahu a’lam, Allah knows best.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Brief Guidelines to Enter Islamic Marriage

This brief advise is intended to help Muslim husband and wife to-be prepare themselves with basic knowledge to enter marriage life. I collected and summarised this from different sources and insya Allah is applicable across all madzhabs.
 
  1. When one goes into his wife on his wedding night, he should show her kindness by presenting her with a bunch of flowers, something to drink, etc.
  2. The husband should, at the time of consummating the marriage with his wife or before that, place his hand on the front part of her head, mention the name of Allâh Most High, and pray for Allâh's blessings.
  3. It is desirable for the husband and wife to pray 2 rakât together on their wedding night.
  4. When a Muslim man is about to enter his wife, he should always say first: Bismillahi, Allâhumma jannibnâ ash-shaitân, wa jannib ash-shaitân mâ razaqtana [In the name of Allâh, O Allâh, keep us away from the devil, and keep the devil away from that which You may grant us (ie. offspring).]
  5. It is allowed for a Muslim man to enter his wife in her vagina from any direction he wishes - from behind or from the front.
  6. It is forbidden for a Muslim man to enter his wife in her anus.
  7. When a Muslim man has had sexual intercourse with his wife in the legal manner and then wishes to return another time, he should first perform wudhû’, but bathing is preferable.
  8. It is permissible for the husband and wife to bath together in the same place even though he sees her private parts, and she sees his.
  9. It is best for husband and wife not to sleep after having sex until they first perform wudhû'. This wudhû’ is not obligatory, but is very highly and definitely commendable. It is also permissible to make Tayammum sometimes instead of wudhû’ before sleeping. But again, bathing is preferable.
  10. It is forbidden for a Muslim man to have sexual intercourse with his wife when she is menstruating. Whoever is overcome by desire and has sexual intercourse with his wife when she is menstruating and before she becomes clean must give the value of one dinar's weight of gold or about 4.25 grams (4.2315 to be more precise), or half that amount. It is allowed for him to enjoy pleasure with his wife in any way except for her private parts when she is on her period.
  11. When she becomes clean of any menstrual blood, and the flow stops completely, it is allowed for them to resume sexual activity after she washes the place where the blood had been, or performs wudhû’, or takes a complete bath.
  12. Withdrawing the penis from the vagina at the time of ejaculation with the purpose of avoiding impregnation is allowed but can only be done with the permission of one's wife. This practice, however, is not preferable.
  13. It is forbidden for either the husband or the wife to spread any of the secrets of their bedroom to anyone outside.
  14. Both spouses should enter into marriage with the following intentions: freeing themselves of unfulfilled sexual desires, and protecting themselves from falling into that which Allâh has forbidden (i.e. adultery and fornication). What's more, a reward as the reward for sadaqa (voluntary giving of charity) is recorded for them every time they have sex.
  15. It is desirable for the husband to go to his relatives who came to visit him in his house, on the following morning, to give them greetings and pray for them. It is also desireable for them to do likewise for him.
  16. The married couple must have a place to bathe in their house, and the husband must not allow his wife to go to the public bath houses.
  17. The husband must sponsor a feast after the consummation of the marriage. The Sunnah of the Wedding Feast:
  • It should be held three days after the first wedding night.
  • One should invite the righteous to his banquet whether they be rich or poor.
  • If one is able, he should have a feast of one or more sheep.
  • It is allowed to give the wedding banquet with any food which is available and affordable, even if that does not include meat.
  • It is commendable for the wealthy to help in the preparations for the wedding feast.
 
How to Perform Ghusl Janabah
  1. Wash the private parts.
  2. Wet the hair by taking water to the roots of the hair.
  3. Perform wudhu’ (ablution) without washing feet.
  4. Pour water across the body starting from right side, then wash the whole body.
  5. Wash the feet.
  6. Finish off with Shahadah.

So, You are ready but don't know where to start?

I offer a combination of Islamic and civil rites to solemnise your marriage. The Islamic ceremony (neekah) will ensure you that the contract you are about to enter is not only witnessed by your family and friends, but also recognised and blessed by Allah and His angels. The civil rites will make your wedding recognised by the Australian Law and ensure your rights are protected. So, how do we do this? 
 
 
A. Paper work prior to the wedding day 
 
  1. Make an appointment by phone or email (detail on my complete profile under ‘About ME’).
  2. During our first meeting, I will assist you to complete Notice of Intended Marriage (NOIM). Under Marriage Act 1961, a couple intending to get married in Australia must complete NOIM and sign it witnessed by a Marriage Celebrant no less than 1 month + 1 day and no more than 8 months prior to the marriage being solemnised.
  3. In completing NOIM, original Birth Certificate or authorised extract of such certificate must be produced if you were born in Australia. If you were born outside Australia, an overseas passport in lieu of the birth certificate is acceptable. If one cannot produce a birth certificate or overseas passport the Celebrant will take a Statutory Declaration with details of birth date, place and parents' names together with an explanation as to why the birth certificate is not available.
  4. In the case of persons previously married an original copy of your Decree Absolute or an original copy of the Death Certificate must be produced before the marriage can take place.
  5. Prior to the wedding, both parties will be required to sign a declaration stating that you believe there is no legal impediment to the marriage between yourself and your partner. This is a legal document and calls for honesty at all times.
  6. One week before the wedding, I require The Bride and The Groom To Be to attend the 'guide to happy and blessed marriage' briefing that covers; intention, rights/responsiblities and dos/don'ts in marriage.
 
 
B. Sample of a Wedding Ceremony
  
  1. Welcoming/Monitum
  2. Wedding Sermon. It contains advices about human relationship and marriage.
  3. Ijab-Qabul or Offer and Acceptance. The Wali (male paternal relative of the bride, usually her father or her brother) pronounce the Ijab statement and the groom respond to it by making the Qabul statement. At least two practicing Muslims males (or one male and two females) are present and witness the pronouncement of ijab-qabul.
  4. Exchange of vows and presenting the dowry or mahr. The groom will hand in the dowry to his bride. While presenting the dowry to the bride, the groom and the bride exchange vows.
  5. Signing documents
  6. Marriage Supplication
  7. Presentation of the couple and closing the ceremony
 
Please note that the above procession is only a draft to give you some ideas. The items of procession and their orders are very much based on your inputs and suggestions. After all, it’s YOUR WEDDING!